It’s interesting to admit, at least to myself, that there was some intoxicating, possibly hormonal element and chemistry involved in my last brief relationship. The intensity of that brief time gives me a better understanding of what a flash in the pan, relationally-speaking, might look like.
Things are awkward, moving forward as friends. But I think the friendship is worth working on. It was an emotionally intense time, but I think in a way, it jump-started my emotions and desires and woke up something in me that had lain dormant, even through my first relationship post-divorce. It helped me see that I was ready for something more, and that stepping out into the unknown world of dating might take some bravery for me to get what I want. But I have the tools now. I can say no. I can call people out, kindly. I know more of what I deserve, and want, and am happy enough with my life that I don’t need someone to complete me. There are still moments of loneliness and disconnection. Still moments where I would like having a person. But I know how to fill myself, and who to reach out to for those things in healthier ways.
So the week after we broke off that poorly defined and intense relationship, I joined Match and eHarmony. To be honest, besides a few old creepers liking my profile, easily blocked – my experiences have been fairly low key and pleasant. No unwarranted pictures or uncomfortable interactions. I had one date that stood me up. Met another person for lunch, but didn’t connect with them, though they were nice. Chatted with someone else who seemed nice, but had met someone else and was pursuing one person at a time. Which is very fair!
That first week I connected with someone, whose profile I really enjoyed. A writer, with a bit of tongue in cheek humor, and self-aware enough to just say who he was, and what he liked, and what he wasn’t and was looking for. So I shot him a message, which then began a correspondence that quickly outpaced the allotted size of Match messages. So we moved to e-mails. Last weekend we met up and played some games, and I was a bit pleasantly surprised by the whole experience. We ended up meeting up online to play a video game together last night, and that too was a novel and fun experience. Finding someone who moves at your pace, play-style and conversationally, is frankly unexpected. It’s nice to engage with someone who is self-aware enough for deeper, more meaningful conversations.
It will be fun to explore this, though, I’ve never been involved with anyone with such similar interests as myself. I’m not sure what to expect. But I’m sure it will be a good opportunity for growth, and if there is one thing I’ve gotten good at the past few years – it’s definitely that.