Darkest before the Dawn

My morning alarm is not the incessant, constantly ‘sleep’-ed one that emerges from my phone in the dim hours of a gray morning. No, it is the heavy, erratic beat of my heart, chastening me to vigilance.

Fight.

Flight.

Fight.

Flight.

Yet there is nothing in the room besides a laundry strewn futon. Except, perhaps, the docile and innocent purring of the feline who had attempted to crown me with a hairball in the middle of the night. The only comfort was the pressure of her slight weight behind my knees, the warmth of the memory foam hugging me from below and the blankets I nested in. To emerge into the cold air seemed to risk that incessant beating of heart to rise to a decibel all others in the house might hear; maybe even rising to a decibel that might attract the very fears that have been haunting me for nearly two weeks. Continue reading

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Work In Progress

There is that moment, when crocheting, or knitting, that you look down at your work, and notice something wrong. Sometimes you’re almost to the very end. Maybe you keep going, hoping you can adjust for the mistake. But after a time, you realize the project and pattern have become so distorted, it isn’t anything that resembles what you hoped.

So you have to make a choice. Do you keep going, knowing the flaw is there? Do you pull out the stitches until you get back to the error? Continue reading

Worksheets for evaluating core beliefs/thoughts

Just a place for me to keep track of various worksheets I find, or my counselor suggests. Would love to hear thoughts from others who have used these same resources, and/or who have found and used other resources that helped them in their own healing (from anything, not limited to just domestic violence).

“Getting to know you…”

A song from Oscar and Hammerstein’s musical, ‘The King and I‘, has been running through my mind all day. In addition to being a catchy tune, some of the lyrics run as follows:

Getting to know you,
Getting to know all about you.
Getting to like you,
Getting to hope you like me.
….
Getting to know you,
Getting to feel free and easy
When I am with you,
Getting to know what to say
….
Haven’t you noticed
Suddenly I’m bright and breezy?
Because of all the beautiful and new
Things I’m learning about you
Day by day.
Continue reading