Where do I want to be?



A journey begins with just one step, and over the course of the past eighteen months or so, this blog has cataloged a hundred and one posts that document bits of my story, the path I’ve traveled, and my goals.

Today, Friday, I need to remind myself how much ground I have covered. A promotion at work, debt nearly under control, a new relationship, a better grasp of the tools needed to handle my anxiety. My New Year’s Resolution was to be more authentic in my everyday life, and while it hasn’t always made things easier in the immediate moment, I think long-term I’ve been at least making progress with that goal.

Yet I still have things I want to achieve, and these seem to be a bit more of a struggle.

I have a lot of health issues cropping up – old injuries requiring fixing, needing dental appointments, struggling with fatigue. These have interfered with my goals of getting physically healthier. I suppose it doesn’t help that I’ve been getting migraines more regularly as well.

School has been a huge struggle for me this term, I think fears of failure and just general fatigue have combined to create a self-fulfilling prophecy. I’m working on it, but it’s like I’m climbing a wall that’s about to topple over on top of me. When I feel it quivering, I jump off. Doesn’t get a person very far, does it?

So I’m going to be working on my schedule this weekend, cleaning out my room as much as possible to make it a more comfortable space. It’s been hard to keep up with my kitties – hairballs and litter box accidents have forced me to get creative in dealing with things. My goal: Wear myself out enough that I can fall asleep early and hard and get up earlyish the next day.

We’ll see how these next few days go. I’ve got to dredge up some motivation from somewhere, and find a way to cull down on some of the relational distractions that have been tweaking my anxiety a little lately.




One thought on “Where do I want to be?

  1. I’m in a similar situation. I’ve been very depressed and have loads of anxiety. I’ve been trying to find ways to deal with it. The depression makes me want to just sit in my room all day and I can’t do that anymore. I started to join volunteer groups around my town and I recently joined a gym. I want to be super busy and tire myself out during the day so I can sleep well. I haven’t been sleeping lately because of my anxiety. So I’m hoping if I’m busy I’ll be able to sleep. I wish you the best of luck with what your going through!

    Liked by 1 person

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