Where do I go from here?

Once, when travelling, I stepped off the temperature controlled plane and into a humid, open expanse of air. Heat rose from the tarmac in waves that rippled light, yet the air was so thick, it felt like someone had dropped a heavy, wet blanket over my head. Being an asthmatic, my lungs tried to seize, and breathing grew more labored.

That moment, stepping back inside an air conditioned room, seemed like a wonderful reprieve. A shedding of a burden I hadn’t expected. Suddenly, I could breathe again.

Stepping forward into this new year, feels a lot like walking back into that air conditioned airport on that hot summer day. The heavy weight that has been suffocating me is finally gone. There are still minor details – renewing the protection order. Filing taxes. I’s to dot and t’s to cross.

But I am free.

Free.

A part of me feels that even this freedom should come with a little bit of anxiety. Yet I am looking ahead wondering mostly, “how fast do I move ahead in ‘x’ area of life?” and “how do I avoid the potholes that tripped me up before?”

Frankly, however? I’m happy.

The holidays were a chaotic swirl of divorce finalization, visiting friends, travelling, car accident. All followed up with a bout of flu. But despite the chaos, I’ve been surrounded. Supported. Loved. Celebrated.

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