There is that moment, when crocheting, or knitting, that you look down at your work, and notice something wrong. Sometimes you’re almost to the very end. Maybe you keep going, hoping you can adjust for the mistake. But after a time, you realize the project and pattern have become so distorted, it isn’t anything that resembles what you hoped.
So you have to make a choice. Do you keep going, knowing the flaw is there? Do you pull out the stitches until you get back to the error?
It certainly would be easier to just cast off and leave your project as is. To try and patch it up after the fact. Yet, in something of my own crafting, what has been seen cannot be unseen. I know what it was supposed to look like, and I will always know.
This past year has been a lot like that crocheting project, pulling out row after row of beliefs that have been distorted by the past. Sometimes I stop, thinking I’ve caught up to where the patterns were first distorted. And then some new revelation comes along, and I need to pull out some more.
But as I go, I’m learning. I’m gaining a better understanding of how to craft the life I want and deserve. I’m learning how to love people better. Love them healthier. Love myself more. Once I get back far enough, I’ll be able to start building it up more again.
This is the importance of counseling, of addressing the things like severe anxiety (my personal struggle) or any other mental struggles. For me it’s a combination of medication, love, support, and hard work. It’s learning how to cope in the difficult moments, instead of being completely paralyzed.
As the end of the year approaches, and a chapter in my life is ready for its final proofing, I just felt like I needed to share these thoughts. Maybe someone out there can feel a little less alone in their own struggles. Maybe you know someone else struggling this season, and can offer a little extra compassion, even if you can’t quite grasp what they are dealing with.
I know I have a lot of work left to do, and I’m not ashamed to use the tools out there to help me be as successful as possible. Some people (not me!) can knit or crochet perfectly without stitch counters or other tools, just like some people can make it through life without counseling or medication. But if you’re having trouble coping on your own, especially during the holiday season when it can be a struggle, I hope knowing you’re not the only one makes it easier to get the help you may need.