Quaking

Ten steps forward, nine steps back. And when that last step lands, the ground is quivering beneath it.

Grasping for stability for so many years, in whatever way I could, it should come as no shock that life is not done rattling me just yet. History tells me that I’ve made it through far worse, that most of these kinds of changes bring about something bigger, and better and wonderful. But in the midst of it all – finding out my parents have 30 days to move – eradicates the small bit of stability I was beginning to feel.

Now I am flooded with questions. Where will I be in a month? Do I commit to staying with them for a year plus? What happens with my pets, will we be able to find something that they can stay in too? I will not set them aside, they are the only living things that are truly my responsibility.

I have friends. Some have offered to help me look at houses. Others have reminded me I always have a place with them (though I know, intuitively, that doesn’t always mean my cats, and sometimes means just a couch to sleep on).

This news would be far worse, but that it comes on the heels of me finding a vehicle. Discounted from family and friends, loan approved… it eases the fear and helps with flexibility. And then there is the gofundme account a dear friend set up, to help defray the cost of the car. People, some who I have never met, have funded $600.

So there is a strange dichotomy of spirit that whirls around me tonight. Full of fear, and yet emboldened by blessings.

No news on the Condo yet, so we will see how it goes. Hopefully it sells quickly, and that will give me more options.

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